05. Self-Sabotage: Demand More From Yourself

Self-Sabotage: Demand More from Yourself Today

We all have that nagging inner voice that whispers doubts and insecurities whenever we step out of our comfort zone. "You're not ready," it says. "You'll just embarrass yourself." Have you ever let that voice keep you from pursuing a goal or trying something new? Well, it's time to silence that inner critic once and for all.

In this insightful episode, I examine the self-sabotaging mindsets that prevent us from demanding more from ourselves. Drawing from my experiences training aspiring hypnotherapists, I reveal the common fears and hesitations when students start practicing their skills. It's a pattern many of us can relate to—that overwhelming desire to have everything perfectly figured out before we even begin.

But as I state, "You're not here to know. You're here to learn."

Just like a child learning to walk and talk, embracing a beginner's mindset is crucial for growth. You can break through the barriers holding you back by tuning into your self-talk and reframing limiting beliefs. Here's what you'll gain:

• Strategies for identifying the gap between your intentions and actions
• Techniques for changing the disempowering questions in your mind
• Tips for cultivating self-compassion through supportive inner dialogue
• Insights on overcoming the fear of imperfection to accelerate learning

Because life is a journey - not a destination, it's about allowing yourself to be a lifelong student, open to stumbling and making mistakes. As Igor asks, "What would you do differently if you knew you could not fail?”

So, get curious about that area of your life or business that needs growth. What's one small step you can take today to start demanding more from yourself? The path to demanding more from yourself begins with hitting play.

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Transcript

 Welcome to the Course in Success podcast with Igor Vilusic, your business coach, trainer, and hypnotherapist.  Here, we examine the real stuff, past fears, overthinking, confusion, and stepping into success.  Dive deep into personal and professional growth with us. It's time to succeed. Let's go.  

Goedemorgen. 

This week, I'm coming to you from Amsterdam, the Netherlands, and there was Dutch.  I am here to help train and teach  around 80 new students in a hypnotherapy method called RTT with my fellow trainers and Marissa Peer. And while training and working with the students and helping them enhance their skills, develop their skills, and to trust their skills, I was thinking about what is the thing that I want to talk to you about and the theme of the episode for today is  to demand more from yourself.

And before I dive in, I want you to think about an example for yourself. What's the area that you want to demand more from yourself?  Just think about it.  What is that for you? I've been teaching and training students in hypnotherapy for many years. And what fascinates me is the beginning of the training. 

So while everybody is happy and excited to be there, And the training starts with everybody getting together, introducing themselves, doing some group activities. There is a teaching point, a teaching segment, and this is where it gets interesting. So as soon as we divide the students into smaller groups and do some more of the teaching, and even into smaller circles where they start practicing with themselves, And this is the strange thing that pops up. 

While they are already been learning online, as it comes to the moment to start practicing, there is that part of you that stops you from pursuing your goal. And the goal for the students was  to be a hypnotherapist. They are on this journey of becoming a hypnotherapist.  But the hesitation, and the various forms of hesitation is, I'm not ready, I don't know what we're doing, I don't want to make a mistake. 

And while some of those are valid reasons, and it might seem to you that is a valid reason,  there is something subconsciously preventing you from pursuing it,  doing it, and it's about identifying. that part and that place within you  where you'll start to self sabotage  yourself in your own life.  Can you think of a time when you held yourself back  with similar thoughts? 

What was that situation about?  Just go back in time  and think about a situation where logically it didn't make any sense.  But there was something preventing you from pursuing it,  from finishing it, from trying it, from testing it, from applying it.  Bring some curiosity.  You're not here to know. You're here to learn. 

You're here to practice.  When I tell my students, 

you're here to learn,  are you allowing yourself to learn? And these moments are crucial for the students because it's in those moments, They decide,  I can do this, or I cannot do this. I'm good at this,  I'm bad at this.  I should make a fool of myself. I don't want to do this. I don't want to embarrass myself. 

And it is that in those moments, as a trainer, I'm there to create a learning experience.  I desire to learn new things, and I want to mind my own business.  Wants to tell us that we should already know this.  And it's robbing us in those moments to be the learner.  Just as a child learns to walk, to speak. 

When we're learning a new skill,  we're practicing the new skill. And it's in those moments of practicing the skill, where we are seeing the edges of our knowledge.  What is it that I actually know? What is the thing that I think I know? And what's the gap in it?  And being comfortable and open and to receive and to give the practice is cultivating that desire.

It's tapping into desire  to know more. It's in those moments where you are.  Demanding more from yourself.  It's in those moments that will help you grow, to become a better hypnotherapist, a better student,  to learn the art of the craft. Whatever the craft is  for you,  is by allowing yourself  to tap into your creativity,  to set aside  all the non sayers in your own hand. 

And where you are the loudest one,  where that voice is the loudest, that's stopping you from doing it.  And as I say my students, you're not here to know, you're here to learn.  Allow yourself to be the student, to be the learner.  Beautiful it is to learn something for the first time.  You get such a boost  in confidence, enthusiasm,  and fun. 

While that journey might be a little bit wobbly or not how you thought it would be,  you surprise yourself  with what you actually know and what you are capable of.  And now an important question for you. What's stopping you from taking the next step  in an area where you feel safe? curious or passionate? 

Is it about your business? Is it about how much time you spend there? Is it about how you work?  Is it about some area in your private life  that it's calling for your attention?  What's the area where you can demand more from yourself?  What if you're able to do it? What if you can do it?  What if you put aside all Of the expectations that you have put on yourself and how you needed to do those things  In the time frame  In the level of the execution, what if we put all of that to the side? 

And go all in  on you  on that uncomfortable thing  That heavy, difficult conversation that you're having already in your head.  What if you are ready  for more?  The usual student has a specific idea  of who they want to be  on the live training. And  that doesn't match their expectations. Outer behavior or the way how they interact with humans  and it comes down to you  doubting yourself  You thinking you need to know more  to be better  to impress other people  You have that perfect vision of yourself  And because your inner mind, your inner knowing knows,  you cannot know something before you actually know it. 

That fear of imperfection came up during the training many times for the students.  Because each day or each segment during the day, there is another layer of something new is being introduced, a new concept, a new tool.  And they needed to practice it.  Right then and there,  that little imperfection part always pops up. 

It rises to the surface. It wants to be the best student. It wants to know it all. It wants to know everything.  Every mistake before they can start practicing. And why?  Because you don't want to make a mistake. Good.  But that mistake  is the most crucial thing that will build your skills in any area of your life. 

So don't be fooled by it,  okay? Sometimes our mind wants to trick us many times  and I want to ask you what would you do differently?  If you knew you could. not fail.  How would you behave? 

How would you feel?  How would be your experience of yourself  doing the actual thing that you want to do? 

What would you do differently  if you knew you could not fail? 

The next tool in demanding more from yourself is self compassion.  And what does this mean? So when you are in those moments where  you don't know what you're doing,  you have a ton of things running through your head. You want to know more. You want to be better.  You're comparing yourself to other students, to other people in life. 

You need to change in how you talk to yourself. and how you create the environment within yourself while you are doing something.  And for the students is  especially important in the practice circles when they start practicing  to really tune into  how they talk to themselves.  And one of the ways in how I help my students with that, I ask them,  what is the sound of that voice  that you hear in your own head? 

It's often your own voice, but what is the sound of it? Is it supportive?  Is it creative?  Is it encouraging?  Or is it judgmental? Blaming, criticizing,  hurtful.  I want you to take a moment for yourself and think about an example  of where you were doing something  that you really wanted to do,  but that self talk kicked in. 

What is the sound? What's the quality of that voice?  And what happens if you change that voice?  if you change the tone of that voice.  Don't change the information,  keep the information, but change the tone of that voice.  To give you an example would be, as one of the students said, you know, while they were criticizing themselves, I should know all of this, I've studied so many times,  so  I like to just change the tone. 

And ask it in a curious or not judgmental way.  And something changed,  a little bit.  And that little bit is often more than enough to move us forward.  And that tiny bit of movement is what actually creates the change.  So how does changing your self talk  Change your own actions in your own life. 

Now I want to offer you a couple of practical steps to demand more of yourself.  My favorite technique in demanding more from yourself is to change the question  that's in your head. 

And this is my, one of my top questions that I like to use is  But what if you can't?  You know, just think about it at the beginning where  the student says, I can't do this.  But what if you can?  Or I'm not good at this.  But what if it's possible to learn?  What if it's possible to acquire that skill?  Or what if you're able to do it in your own way? 

And what is your way of learning it? 

So think about changing the question that's in your head.  Another question is,  what's one small change you can make  right now  to demand more from yourself?  And it could be  your working relationship. You spent a lot of time being busy. You work long hours.  And what's that one small change you can make right now, this moment, to demand more from yourself? 

And it has nothing to do with you working more hours.  But what can you be more?  To be more focused?  More intentional? You can be more essential. What is more essential?  What is truly important here?  Now to summarize this for you, the first part is to identify the self sabotage. And when you are saying things like I'm not ready, I don't want to make a mistake, I cannot do this. 

The second part is to look at the gap between your intention and your action.  Like the intention that brought you somewhere, desire to learn, your curiosity.  to be who you want to be.  Point two, the gap between your intention and action.  And it's that gap  in your inner intention where you have the desire  to learn, the curiosity to explore, and the outer action.

It's the hesitation  to practice it. It's the hesitation to giving it a try.  To start the journey of being a learner.  Because life is a journey, it's not a destination.  And what is stopping you from taking the next step  in the area where you feel truly curious?  The next point is the fear of imperfection that presents a major roadblock  on your life. 

And on the things that you are here to do.  The only thing that I want to say here, but what if you can? What if you are able to?  What if this is your time?  What could you do differently if you knew you could not fail?  And the next point is the role of the self compassion and how you are talking to yourself. 

Are you criticizing yourself?  Are you supporting yourself? Are you lifting yourself up? Are you picking yourself up?  Don't believe everything your mind is presenting you.  How does changing your self talk changes your life?  To demand more.  And the final point is,  What do you want to demand more from yourself? 

Pick one thing  and share it with me.  Share it on my socials, send me a DM or an email, whatever suits you. I want that one small change you can make right now, this moment, to demand more from yourself.  Cause you know you are capable, your life is calling, and your business is calling.  And on a final note, the art of the self challenge.

What is the thing that you want to demand more from yourself?  What is the area that you want to develop, that you want to grow, that you want to improve?  Let all your senses move you and guide you  into the demand, because you already  have the demand.  To achieve. Anything  that you set your mind up to.  All right my friends, that's it for today. 

And as the Dutch would say, tot ziens!  If this episode made you think deeper, why keep it to yourself? Hit subscribe, give me a high five star rating, and leave a review as if you're shouting from the mountaintops.  Help spread the courage far and wide, and don't forget to slide into my DMs on my social media channels to keep the conversation going.

I'd love to hear from you.